The Kingdom of Talossa


El Livrt d'El Taloit d'Isiviglh
The Libretto of The Berber of Seville

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Librettists/Livrtirs: M Barn Tepist, Seghr Cresti Siervicl
Composers/Cunscriptors: Quedir Barn Castiglh, Nik Spyropoulos

[ Liretz l livrt n Talossn ]
The Berber of Seville
An Opera In Three Acts
Male principals Female principals
Seltsamt, tenor Chils, soprano
Nutz, bass Trambt, mezzo-soprano
Cascors, baritone
Xhrdi, falsetto (buffo caricato) Chorus
"The game will be exciting" - Chorus 1
"My friend Cascors" - Duet (Seltsamt and Cascors) 2
"Who are you?" - Solo (Nutz) 3
"We are Berbers" - Solo (Seltsamt) 4
"I wonder how I am doing" - Solo (Xhrdi) 5
"Should we sing now?" - Duet (Chils and Trambt) 6
"There is Chils" - Trio (Seltsamt, Nutz, and Chils)7
"Castile won the game" - Lament (Seltsamt and Chorus)8
"How sweetly he sings!" - Duet (Chils and Seltsamt) 9

ACT I. A Berber football field in Seville, Spain.
(Chorus is milling around speaking to each other.)
Chorus: The game will be exciting1
We are all here to watch2
(repeat those lines eight times)
Berber football is exciting3
We want it to begin4
(repeat those lines eight times)
(Half the chorus sings one verse while the other sings the second.
Eight times. Then they join.)
We have no doubt which team will win5
Only one team rules our hearts6
(repeat those lines eight times)
(Enter Seltsamt with Cascors, arm in arm. Half the chorus shouts "Seville!" in response and claps him on the back, but the other half shout "Castile!" and the chorus begins throwing punches. As the chorus fights its way off the stage, Seltsamt and Cascors begin singing)
SONG 2 - DUET (Seltsamt and Cascors)
Seltsamt: My friend Cascors, why are football fans hooligans?1
Cascors: My friend Seltsamt, why are hooligans football fans?2
Both: I don't know, I don't know, don't ask me again. 3
Seltsamt: My friend the keeper, are you ready for the game?4
Cascors: My friend, the quebec, are you ready for the game?5
Both: I sure am, I sure am, don't ask me again. 6
Seltsamt: My friend, shall we repeat what we just said?7
Cascors: Yes we shall, my friend, in true operatic fashion.8
(Repeat four times. On the fourth time, the last two lines change.)
Seltsamt: Do you think they have the point yet?9
Cascors: Let us make double sure!10
(Seltsamt steps away, faces audience.)
Seltsamt: My name is Seltsamt11
and I am the quebec of the Seville Dreamers,12
which is a Berber Football team13
here in Seville, which is in Spain.14
Cascors: And I am Cascors, his friend.15
I am the keeper on his team.16
We are both ready for the game.17
Seltsamt: Oh, and I forgot to mention18
that I am in love19
with the girl in the halftime show.20
(Cascors joins Seltsamt)
Cascors: But you will find that all out later.21
Don't worry.22
We will repeat it a great many times. 23
(The chorus fights its way back onto the stage and then back off the other side, yelling "Seville!" and "Castile" back and forth. Enter Nutz during the exit of the chorus. The Castile fans clap him on the back. Seville fans boo him.)
SONG 3 - SOLO (Nutz)
(Nutz sees Seltsamt and Cascors)
Nutz: Who are you? Who are you? I ask you who you are.1
My question to you, which I ask at this time, is who are you?2
I do not know who you are, so I ask you who you are.3
The thing I wish to know,4
when looking at you,5
whom I do not know,6
is who are you? 7
(Repeat four times, pointing at them often, and shrugging his shoulders to the audience)
SONG 4 - SOLO (Seltsamt)
Seltsamt: We are Berbers1
Apparently while you were offstage you were not paying attention.2
We said many times who we are.3
Also, you seem not to have bothered reading anyone else's songs.4
But just so you know, we are the quebec and the keeper of the Seville Dreamers 5
Which your team, the Castile Poets, is playing today.6
The game is Berber football. Perhaps you've heard of it?7
At halftime, there is opera, and I'm in love with the soprano.8
(Repeat those two lines eight times; the chorus, fighting back and forth, join in singing these lines, changing "I'm in love" to "He's in love" and pointing at Seltsamt when they sing it)
So now that you know who we are, you should probably sing something about you.9
But since this is one of my longer songs, I will sing it for you.10
(Repeat those two lines four times)
You are Nutz. You are Nutz. You are Nutz.11
The most feared quebec in the land.12
You're mean and nasty and we want the audience to hate you.13
So it will help us all if you do not sing well.14
You are Nutz. You are Nutz. You are Nutz. 15
(Repeat those five lines eight times)
(As the song ends, Nutz steps forward and shouts in a deep bass)
Nutz: Yes, I am Nutz.16
And I am in love with the soprano too!17

ACT II. The same field.
(The field is a mess. The halftime show is over. Chils and Trambt sit center stage. The chorus is applauding and calling for encores, but the applause fades, and Xhrdi enters, with the white fedora and white longcoat of a Berber football referee, wearing dark glasses and carrying a white cane. When performed as Grand Opera, he is also led by a harnessed guide dog for the blind. He stumbles and bumps into a great many things as he sings.)
SONG 5 - SOLO (Xhrdi)
Xhrdi: I wonder how I'm doing1
I wonder who's ahead2
I wonder if, at the end of the game3
I'll be alive or dead
I wonder if the game is tough5
To see from in the stands6
It's hard enough to see down here7
Using only the cane in my hands
I wonder if I stumble 'round 9
And hit things with my cane 10
If the soprano will think I'm sexy11
And sweetly tell me about the game
I wonder if she likes a man13
Who cannot see her there 14
(For I'm supposed to make you think 15
I'm blind, in case you care)
I think Castile is winning 17
Seville fans sure boo loud 18
But a loss will be their keeper's fault19
If I know this drunk crowd
I wonder if you think I'm blind21
If so, I've met my goal22
Because next opera, damn it all23
I want a bigger role24
(Xhrdi exits, leaving Chils and Trambt at center stage.)
SONG 6 - DUET (Chils and Trambt)
Chils: Should we sing now?1
Trambt (echoing): Maybe maybe maybe maybe2
Chils: Do you think3
this was the first opera ever4
with no females in the entire first act?5
Trambt (echoing): Maybe maybe maybe maybe 6
Chils: Do you think7
we should appeal8
to the Minister of Women's Affairs?9
Trambt (echoing): Maybe maybe maybe maybe10
Chils: But now we are on stage,11
and the men are not.12
Do you think this is good? 13
Trambt (echoing): Maybe maybe maybe maybe14
Chils: Do you think15
we should introduce ourselves to the audience,16
like the men did?17
Trambt (echoing): Maybe maybe maybe maybe 18
Chils: Or should we19
give them more credit,20
and expect them to be able to read their programs?21
Trambt (echoing): Maybe maybe maybe maybe22
Chils: Will they know23
which of the two of us is the soprano 24
that the rivals are both in love with? 25
Trambt (echoing): Maybe maybe maybe maybe26
Chils: To make sure,27
should one of us sing in a very low voice,28
which cannot possibly be soprano?29
Trambt (in an extremely low voice): Maybe maybe maybe maybe!30
(Enter Cascors and Seltsamt on the left, Nutz on the right)
SONG 7 - TRIO (Seltsamt, Nutz, and Chils)
(During this song, Cascors and Trambt slowly get together and begin to play cards.)
Seltsamt (pointing): There is Chils, my love, who sang at halftime1
Nutz (pointing): My heart has been captured by that lovely maiden2
Chils: I sit here with my friend, and the men can each see me, yet I do not see them. 3
Seltsamt: She sits there, completely unaware that I am so near4
Nutz: I am close to her, yet she does not see me5
Chils: They are on either side of the stage, and I in the middle, yet I do not see them 6
Seltsamt: If only she would turn her head, I think she would notice me.7
Nutz: I wonder if throwing something at her would work.8
Chils: Turning my head won't help, and please don't throw anything at me.9
Seltsamt: You would think she could see me. She must be blind. 10
Nutz: Did you catch the foreshadowing with that referee song?11
Chils: Also, I am to make you believe that I cannot hear them either. 12
Seltsamt: She is blind to our love. It is a theater trick. An analogy, if you will.13
Nutz: She is sitting on the same stage, yet she has no idea we are here.14
Chils: And you, Nutz, are not supposed to know Seltsamt is over there either.15
Seltsamt: And also, you are singing far too well. The audience might like you.16
Nutz: I am sorry. I will sing worse from now on. 17
Chils: It will not matter to us, though, for remember, we cannot hear you.18
Seltsamt: And we cannot see you either. Even though somehow you and I can both see Chils.19
Nutz: Okay, I think this song is long enough now.20
Chils: Yes, I think we repeated our positions fairly completely.21
Seltsamt: Oh, how I love her!22
Nutz: Oh, how I love her! 23
Chils: Oh, how I wish I could hear them!24

ACT III. A bench on the same field.
(Seltsamt sits alone, hanging his head. The chorus moves around arguing.)
SONG 8 - LAMENT (Seltsamt and Chorus)
Seltsamt: Castile won the game.1
Nutz might not be able to sing, but he can play football.2
But really, it was Cascors's fault.3
Chorus: Yes, Cascors lost it for us.4
He won't be in this act.5
He is off getting drunk.6
Seltsamt: Then after the game, 7
Chils professed her love to Nutz.8
It turns out she is shallow.9
Chorus: Or maybe it was Seltsamt.10
He played while sick with love.11
No, never mind. It was Cascors.12
Seltsamt: So I will leave this place.13
I will cross the wide ocean.14
No more will I be the Berber of Seville.15
Chorus: The referee screwed us too; he must be blind.16
But in the end, it was Cascors.17
Let us find him and kill him.18
Seltsamt: I will follow the path of my ancestors.19
Ahmed and Marico, the sons of Asbad20
Who dared to seek their fortune21
Chorus: Yesterday Cascors was our hero.22
Today, we must hunt him down and kill him.23
Who will volunteer to become our new keeper?24
Seltsamt: I will seek the Berber Shangri-La.25
Where I will fall in love26
With a mermaid from the Talossan Sea27
Instead of that tramp Chils.28
(The chorus links arms and dances a high-kick)
Chorus: Oh, we're the boys in the chorus.29
We hope you liked our show.30
We know you're rooting for us.31
But now we have to go.32
(The chorus exits in a murderous rage)
Seltsamt: I will discover my own mythical origins.33
These Spaniards think I'm crazy34
To think the world is round35
But what do they know?36
They have shallow tramps for womenfolk.37
SONG 9 - DUET (Chils and Seltsamt)
(Enter Chils, unseen)
Chils: How sweetly he sings! What sweet words!1
Seltsamt: Am I supposed to see you over there?2
Chils: No, not yet.3
Seltsamt: Fine. So I just keep singing? 4
Chils: Yes. Such sweet sounds.5
Seltsamt: Where was I?6
Chils: You were calling me a shallow tramp7
Seltsamt (turning to audience): I have sworn off love forever. 8
Chils: His voice captivates me9
Seltsamt: Until I meet a nice mermaid, of course.10
Chils: His hopes and dreams are pouring forth onto my bosom.11
Seltsamt: So now I leave Seville, home of the cruelest woman on earth12
Chils: His heart is full of love.13
Seltsamt: And I hope I never see her again.14
Chils: I love this man. I am so over Nutz. 15
Seltsamt: I burnt her house down after the game.16
Chils: He says the nicest things.17
Seltsamt: I hope she rots in hell.18
Chils: My love, Seltsamt, my love!! 19
Seltsamt: I see my boat arriving. Now I leave Seville.20
Chils: Remember, when you stand up, that is when you see me.21
Seltsamt: I remember, woman, I remember. 22
(rises, sees Chils)
Chils: Oh! Seltsamt! I love you!23
Seltsamt: If you say so.24
I am going to the Berber Shangri-La,25
want to come with me?26
Chils: I'm supposed to say no,27
but then follow you off stage28
so the audience can wonder. 29
Seltsamt: Whatever. 30
(Exit Seltsamt, followed shortly by Chils.)

Last modified: 08/22/17 02:26 PM